I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
