that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
