I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
How naked do you want me to be?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
