I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
