Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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