Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
