Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
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