Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
