This girl is more easily done than said...
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
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