I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
