Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
