it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
birth control should be required to get into college
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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