This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
its not stalking. its research.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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