Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
