the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
