He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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