Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
