I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
