Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
