ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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