I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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