apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
