sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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