but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
