we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
