I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
