the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
