In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
