we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
