A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
