My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
