It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
