i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
