Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
