he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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