a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
