Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
