You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
