I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
