just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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