these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
