Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
