Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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