ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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