a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
