Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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