I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Randomize
