can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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