why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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