I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
