hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
