I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
