i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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