Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
