i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
